Dear Internet Service Provider,
We've been together for 6 years now but recently your instability is endangering our relationship. I've always relied on you to protect my data as you take me all around the world (wide web). We've shared interests, games and even some more private moments. We've connected with friends and family. You've taken me to places I've never seen before and shown me things beyond my imagination.
Recently, you've been dropping out on me when I need you most. You've embarrassed me in front of my friends, and you've made me appear like someone they can't count on. You laugh it off and say; "It's only for a moment." "What about all those other times I've been there for you?" "It's not a big deal." But it is a big deal. People DIE when I disconnect. I lose documents I'm in the middle of -
- writing. Worst of all, every time it happens, I lose a little faith in you.
I know you're going to tell me you can change. After everything we've been through together, I really hope we can make this work. But I think it's fair to tell you there is a new guy in town. His name is FiOS and I've heard that he's a real lady-pleaser. I'm sorry. I do care about you. However, if this instability continues, I might have to see if there's an opportunity to make a connection with him.
PS. Chick GM has now been viewed in 49 of the 50 states plus DC! Quick someone fetch me a reader from Wyoming!